Life has been pretty eventful recently…
Life has been pretty eventful recently, there is a lot going on for my family, as a unit and as individuals and sometimes it all piles up and takes all our energy and focus. It dawned on me this evening that not only have I not written a blog post for a little while, I haven’t really written about my life for a while, if really at all. It’s something that is truth for me though, I don’t really share my life day to day, week by week with many people at all; so, in not writing it down I’m being true to the person I have always been, however it’s not the best for the ‘why’ in writing. I can’t be the voice for others and give them support in difficult times if they can’t relate to my life, can I?
It’s the Season to Shed Unnecessary Leaves
I sometimes feel like there is so much to unpack, my head is constantly going with ideas, worries, thoughts and plans but I often find when it comes to writing it all down, my mind and soul say “Nope, nothing much doing here”. I sometimes wonder if it is an unconscious coping mechanism, that the writing it down makes it real, it’s no longer just a notion or thought.
This year has been a big year for me in many small ways. I’m not an international best seller and I haven’t landed every pitch acceptance but what is huge is that I have tried pitching and I have had acceptances; I believe that I am a deserving and capable writer and this is something I could never have said in January, despite how long I have been writing for. I am working on so many projects that I am excited to put my heart, soul and words into and I’ve built up connections with some of the most amazing people I could ever have asked to meet on this journey. It makes me take a closer look at life and the other journey’s I’ve been on.
I have started to acknowledge and succumb to the fact that my soul is guided by the universe and realising that when I let go and allow life to flow and unfold, that is when things feel on the right track for me. Thanks to two of my wonderful mentors Fiona Thomas and Jo Hooper, I have opened the door to fully embrace the ‘Woo’that has always intrigued me. I started using oracle cards as part of my journaling experimentation in the Spring and it something has definitely helped, especially the ‘Goddess Power’ Oracle Cards by Colette Baron Reid.
The Winds of Change
The other day, I returned to journaling as I had taken a break from it again after a period of feeling very lost. I am currently in the middle of the ‘unmasking’ process after recently being diagnosed as neurodivergent and it’s been a difficult spell for me. There’s a lot of unanswered questions arising from the answer I finally have and there is a lot of trauma and pain coming up, so I took it upon myself to reach out to people I know could help me. I started back with my counsellor who I had stopped seeing last year and it’s been really great to have her supporting me again. I signed back up for me second round of ‘Inspire, Write, Repeat’ with my dear friend and mentor Fiona Thomas and I have signed up for 1:1 mentoring and to ‘Work Less, Earn More, Be Free’ with the amazing Jo Hooper. I have also taken a workshop course recently called “Writing the Elements” with a fantastic lady and award-winning poet Laurie Bolger. It has been wonderful getting back to that part of my writing and it has given me a new outlet to explore in more depth.
In my first journaling session back, I decided to consult the oracle cards and a part of the message I got was;
“Get right with yourself and the world again.
You are exactly where you need to be right now.
You have only been fighting against yourself”.
These words hit deep but they rang true. I do have to get right with myself again and my world, not the one I created for other people. I feel something is on the cusp of my horizon but yet I feel like it’s still so out of reach. I have passion, ideas and creativity abundantly sparking within me but I can’t seem to keep it fully ignited. I put insane amounts of pressure on myself, something that has come to light from neurodivergence and childhood and I am in a constant fight with myself, who I truly am and what I feel is expected of me. Autism vs ADHD. Chronically Ill body vs Able mind. It is completely exhausting.
In my recent work with Jo, we have been embracing our ‘wild’ and really getting to the root of who I am and how I work. I am unlearning so much but I also have to then learn a new path way which again, is very confusing and exhausting. I believe my soul is connected to wolf, I have had too many signs from the universe to ignore this connection and I want to embrace it wholeheartedly. It is something I am looking forward to exploring with Jo, who couldn’t be any more perfect to explore this with. When talking to Jo about this she asked me something I have never been asked before;
“What is your wolf called? Are they still you or do they go by a different name?”
I was taken aback at first and my initial thought was ‘I don’t know’ but a few moments after it landed, I started to ground myself through my breath and I just heard “Brenna”. So now, I’m ready to embrace Brenna and allow her to guide me through this mudded path but more so, it’s about harnessing and investigating my true power.
The Audacity to be Queen
Jo asked me about harnessing my power and encouraged me to dig deeper with it than I’ve dared to before. In all honesty, I’ve always been scared of my own power, I have never known what it truly was and where it comes from. We are often taught that power is a ‘masculine’ energy and being a powerful woman is still not societally accepted. ‘Power’ is also perceived in the emotions that are looked upon as ‘negative’; rage, aggression, stubbornness etc but what I discovered when digger deeper was that actually, my most powerful being and light comes from gentler and more compassionate places and it shows how askew the perception of power is. It also showed me how off I’ve been about myself as I never saw myself as a ‘girly girl’ or very ‘feminine’, growing up I wasn’t like other girls and I didn’t enjoy what society told me girls should be interested in.
Now, I see things differently and here’s why:
My power comes from compassion, kindness, the wanting to help those be heard, the want to teach and nurture and these are all seen as very ‘feminine’ energies but in today’s society I feel they are the most ‘punk rock’ and powerful things you can bring to a table where others seem to be eating the same misogynistic meals of greed, jealousy and egotism.
It’s been a huge experience in this chapter of life so far trying to figure everything out the best I can for me and my future but I feel prepared thanks to the wonderfully strong women I have supporting me at every step.
I would like to leave you with something to ponder, especially within a journal entry:
If you strip back all misconceptions and societal expectations, what is your true power and where does it come from?
Do you feel able to express and show that power?
I am soon going to be releasing my first ever all-inclusive downloadable workshop that I’ve called “No-Pens-Barred” which will be a way to explore creative writing to connect with yourself and your inner child in your own time. Make sure you are following me on socials to learn how to be the first to access it and for more announcements.
Love hard. Be fierce. Horns high.
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